The holidays bring on additional tasks in our household, especially at Christmas-time. Santa returns home positively grimy after his long evening of rewarding all those good boys and girls. I adore pampering him with a hot steamy bath, but every year it seems my excessively hairy bear-of-a-boy clogs the drain of the bath and I always need the assistance of a handyman willing to take on the task of repairing the drain.
Should you be chosen to be my handyman, I would warn you that I insist having you work naked. Of course, I tend to discover your dirty secrets as you work, and put you into a position to give you the the warmth and attention you truly thirst for, that is, until I kick you out for your filthy proclivities.
Might you like to assist me in my plight as my handyman? Send a polite introductory letter (including Handyman in the title) HERE stating your name, age, physical description, contact information AND references. Include a day/time when you would be available. Do not discourage me with a request to assist without including your references. No references, no appointment, it's as simple as that.
Only those who prove themselves worthy will receive a confirmation with details for their appointment along with the required handyman fee. Keep in mind, as you are such a busy fellow, this little job will have you in and out so quickly, that no one will ever suspect what you've been up to with the charming Mrs. Claus.
Do not keep me waiting, for you can see I have been waiting to take my own bubble bath!
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